Scenario: You and the charity that you work for is organising a party to celebrate raising £1 million. You send your colleagues an email about a party that you have been to which was really good. Explain why it was successful.
Begin your posts with:
To: colleagues@charityten.co.uk
From:
Subject: My most enjoyable party!
Remember to:
Present your information/ideas cleary, logically, and persuasively
Make sure your writing is appropriate for audience and purpose
Use a range of sentence structures, including complex sentences
To:colleagues@charityten.co.uk
ReplyDeleteFrom:
Subject:My most enjoyable party
Last night i went to the best party ever! It was so funny there were people jumping out of windows into a swimming pool and a massive ice horse that people were sat on. This party was good because the hosts had spent money on it and they wernt strict to the guests and were very relaxed. I think we should do this at our party as it will ensure a good time for all our guests.
Check your spelling Jake - "wernt".
DeleteAlso you need to use complex sentences - see my comment on Elizabeth's for an example.
To: colleagues@charityten.co.uk
ReplyDeleteFrom:
Subject: My most enjoyable party!
Hello colleagues,
Are company is trying to raise 1million pounds by having a massive party, and I have some suggestions of parties I have been to.
I suggest we book some where with a massive hall. Therefore everyone can fit in to the one room. I also suggest we book somewhere with a kitchen so we can prepare the food quickly and out of the way.
A party I have been to was at the village hall, they had a massive hall and lots of people could fit in the hall, they charged 5 pound entrance per person and 2.50 per child so they raised money and made profit. This worked very well and I think this is the best way and suggestion for the party.
From Elizabeth
Elizabeth check your spelling of "are". Also you need to include complex sentences where the sentence begins with a connective and the clauses are separated with a comma, e.g. Although the room was full of people, it didn't feel crowded.
DeleteTo: colleagues@charityten.co.uk
ReplyDeleteFrom: mead
Subject: My most enjoyable party
i went to an amazing party the other day! we all had so much fun and played some funny games. we had a pool and drinks and snacks. there was so much to do and it was lots of fun.
;) xxxxxx
Check your capital letters Ben.
DeleteTo: colleagues@charityten.co.uk
ReplyDeleteFrom:
Subject: My most enjoyable party!
I went to the most enjoyable party experienced by my self in quite a while, it was fun, exciting and agonisingly good. Also not forgetting we raised 1 million pounds. The party was comforting and delightful and the people their were kind and friendly. Boredom was not an issue as games were played, especially spook in the dark, to the extent of that i got a black eye, the work done was incredible and the thanks have to go out to those who put in a great amount of effort, I look forward to celebrating a new party with everyone again.
Well done Lewis! You have used a wide range of vocabulary and persuasive devices.
DeleteTo improve, make sure you use a range of sentence structures.
To: colleagues@charityten.co.uk
ReplyDeleteFrom:me@whereiam.com
Subject: My most enjoyable party!
Hello colleagues,
Are company is trying to raise 1million pounds by having a massive party, and I have some suggestions of parties I have been to.
I suggest we book a big venue. to ecomidate a lot if people into one room. I also suggest to have something to provide food and drink.
There shall also be a small entrance fee to get a little money from the people soming into the event, adults: £4.00 and children: £2.00
the food and drink shall also have a small charge.
Nick
To: colleagues@charityten.co.uk
ReplyDeleteFrom:michael warner
i was at a party and they had some great features; they had a giant ice feature that was a swan and they also had a bar and waiters and waitresses to serve drinks
To: colleagues@charityten.co.uk
ReplyDeleteFrom:
Subject: My most enjoyable party!
Hello colleagues,
We are having a party to celebrate the £1 million pound we have raised for our charity.
I went to a party last night and it was one of the best ones I have ever been to in my life, It was very successful because it was fun. we played games and the food was very nice, I wish it could happen again considering it was exciting and the people were very nice. There was a lot of people the which made it even more better.
It ended up having a disco at the end
To: colleagues@charityten.co.uk
ReplyDeleteFrom:joshm55@btinternet.com
Subject: My most enjoyable party!
last night was the best party i have i ever been to ever. there were people jumping in the pool of the balconey.
I could see that they had put a lot of effet in to the party
josh mitchell